


Every Year Since

by melrosie



Category: Captain Marvel (2019)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Loss of Parent(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-15 15:45:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18076256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melrosie/pseuds/melrosie
Summary: The first six special occasions after Carol's death are hard for Maria and Monica. The next six years get a little easier.





	Every Year Since

**Author's Note:**

> A prompt written for @ STRAPERINE on tumblr.

**The first special occasion after Carol’s death is Monica’s birthday**. 

She doesn’t have a birthday party. Maria had asked her about it, but Monica said in no uncertain terms that cupcakes with her classmates was good enough, and she didn’t want a party. She just wanted it to be the two of them. 

But the two of them wasn’t what Monica wanted, and Maria could tell. The way her little girl said the word “two” like it was something empty, something lacking. No six year old should have that kind of sad look in their eyes. A look of loss that Maria has only seen in the vets she’s met and worked with, the widows... and their children. 

She realizes in a way that makes her ache with grief that, in a way, she is one of those widows. And that Monica was missing one of her parents.  

**The second special occasion after Carol’s death is Maria’s birthday**. 

The big 25. And even though it’s months after Monica’s 6th, she finally gets it. The loss. A milestone she thought she’d share with Carol, who’d been at her side for the first toughest almost-six years of her life as both a mother and a pilot. Her closest friend. The second most important person in her life. 

She’d wanted to share that life with her. But life had a way of stealing people too early. 23 was too early. But Carol hadn’t batted an eye at helping her be a mom even though she’d barely made it into her 18th year by the time Maria’s labour started.  

They get a small cake, and two candles with a big 2 and a big 5 side by side. Monica notices what flavour it was. “You got raz-berry chock-lat.” Merely an observation. She doesn’t say anything else. They sing Happy Birthday together in the warm light of those two candles and sit together in the darkness of their kitchen afterward with the familiar scent of candle-smoke in their noses.  

“Did you make a wish?” Monica would ask.   


“Yeah,” Maria would answer quickly. “You?” She’d wipe the two stray tears from her cheek before getting up to turn the lights back on.   


“It’s not my birthday though.”   


“That’s okay, you can still wish.”   


“Okay.”   


She feels a little colder in her bed that night.  

She thought she’d gotten over that months ago. 

**The third occasion is Halloween.**

Monica dresses up and Maria does too. They go trick-or-treating, but they’re both missing Carol that evening. And Monica absent-mindedly organizes her candy, as she always had, with a pile of Carol’s favourites. 

**The fourth occasion is Thanksgiving.**

They spend it with Maria’s parents, and even they notice Carol’s absence. She’d been in their lives since she was a teenager. They don’t say anything about it though. Their grace that night includes a line about being thankful for time spent with family.  

**The fifth occasion is Christmas.**   

They have Christmas Eve dinner with Maria’s parents again, and open presents together. Monica is all smiles, and Maria’s mother mentions something out of earshot about how well her granddaughter is coping. Maria smiles and nods, but she knows her daughter better. Their Christmas morning would be quiet and pensive. Monica had strung up all of Carol’s favourite decorations and even hung up her stocking.  

**The sixth occasion is Mother’s Day.**   

Monica makes a card for Maria and grandma, and a third for Carol that she hides under her pillow until Maria finds it the next day while she’s scouring Monica’s room for any hidden laundry items. She takes that card and puts it on the mantel with the one Monica had made her and they don’t say anything about it. But she does see Monica’s nervous smile when she sees it there later.  

**Six years.** Monica’s7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th birthday. Her own 26th, 27th, 28th, 29th, 30th, and 31st. 

Monica got her birthday joy back after her 8th birthday. But for Maria 30 was hard because that marked 5 years since Carol had died, harder because it was another milestone, another decade she’d been on earth, half a decade she’d been without her best friend. 

They do talk about her. It becomes easier after the first year. The rawest reminders of Carol’s absence. She becomes a comfortable memory, a softer grief. Maria lets Monica stay home from school on the anniversary of Carol’s death every year until Monica tells her otherwise, and even then they still have a special evening all the same. 

If Maria had treasured the first six years of watching her daughter grow into a tiny human being, the next six are a whirlwind of emotion and experience. Six is so much closer to a toddler than a girl. Monica grows into a funny, smart, cheeky girl, and Maria sees some of Carol in her, even as the years she’s been gone begin to stretch longer than Monica had even been alive. Maria would be lying if she didn’t wish Carol could be here to see it all. Even the hard parts. She’d take everything over the nothing that was left, even the ugly parts. 

And then Carol crashes right back into their lives. 

Maria can see it on Monica’s face, the surprise, the love, the grief. This eleven-year-old girl is uncertain, but so so so hopeful when she rushes over to the woman standing by the wing of that plane. Auntie Carol. Six years later. And Maria can tell she doesn’t recognize them as deeply as she recognizes her.  

But no matter how faint the recognition, no matter how thin the thread, no matter how far the distance. Carol had figured out how to get back to them again.  

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, comments are genuinely appreciated.  
> To send prompts or to request a personalized fanfic you can find me @ LOUISEMILLER on tumblr.


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